Holding Your Hand
by Dark-Lady-Devinity
Summary: Post NFA. Spike was given the Shanshu instead of Angel. However, being human isn't an easy thing to be after being a vampire for so long. It's a long road to healing for Spike, Angel and Illiara as they face mental illness, heart break and moving forward.
1. Tales for a Foggy Day

**Holding Your Hand**

_Dark lady Devinity_

**Chapter One**

**Tales for a Foggy Day**

_Early morning fog clung to the earth, plastering the world in thick, wet grey. For so many, the sight is depressing. Yet it is the grey of home. He is home. It's been so long since he's seen the heavy, low lying clouds roll in from the ocean. He only remembers the concrete jungles of the desert. The closest thing to fog was smug in those desert cities._

_He thinks they're going to bury him here. The sentiment has presented itself in his crude interpretations of their actions. Yet it makes sense. He feels weak in a way that he's never felt before. Besides, why else would they bring him home?_

**XXX**

England was a blessing to its vampires. Angel could sit out on the front doorstep of the flat he was renting and watch the world wake. The heavy fog prevented him from catching fire in the dawn.

He had not come half way around the world to London for its dawn fog though. He could have stayed in North America for that and wouldn't have to watch his step every day. There was fog and ocean aplenty in Newfoundland, for example, and no one there would ever have heard of him. In coming to London he had risked catching Rupert Giles' attention. That would not end well. No, he had come only for William.

In a way, it was Angel's fault that William needed to go to London. He was the one that signed the contract that took away the Shanshu. He just didn't realize that the Powers That Be would take that as consent to give the Shanshu to Spike. Nor did he realize that the Shanshu did not just give a vampire a human body. It also attempted to turn the vampire back into the very human that they had been before turning. Angel had long ago decided that he'd rather never be human again than go back to being Liam. Of course, that was before he realized what being William meant for Spike.

It had been over a hundred years since the love sick, momma's boy poet had blood pounding through living veins. In those years, the poet had died and became a vampire, laughed at the insanity he brought, danced with the demonic Drusilla and murdered for the sheer delight of it. Spike could never be William. Yet the Shanshu had made him human and now Spike could never be Spike again either.

It had been a shock to find this not really Spike, yet not really William, human huddled against a ruined building, freezing in the pouring rain. They had survived the end of the world, taken down all the dragons and made it to the pre-dawn morning. They did not fade away. Illyria stood beside them, untouchable to her enemies, and carried her pet to shelter. Gunn's body was nowhere to be found.

It was soon apparent that Spike- now called William- was not emotionally or mentally stable. Sometimes, in moments of truly being lost, he would talk about home. Angel had made the decision to bring his boy home. It had been risky business. Giles hated Angel more than the devil itself and would not be happy to be in the same country as the souled vampire. Also, everyone thought he was evil due to his connection to Wolfram and Hart. It didn't help that Angel was bringing what remained of his family with him; a barely sane _human_ Spike and the socially-stunned Illyria. Yet… even if Giles proved to be problematic, they would survive. The biggest issue would be Buffy…

The slayer was still a danger even without her history with Angel. He didn't know if Andrew had made her aware of Spike surviving the final apocalypse in Sunnydale. Buffy could do irreparable damage. There was also the issue of Spike and William's joint existence. Spike had been in love with the slayer and William formed such strong attachments. Buffy could break the man so easily.

Rays of sunlight penetrated through the dawn fog. Angel sighed and left his spot of brooding for the interior of the flat. It was likely time for him to start cooking breakfast, as he was the only one who could and was good at it. It was a strange talent for one that didn't need to eat and was human during a time that only women prepared the meals. However, he liked cooking. It was something he hadn't done since living in the Hyperion. And preparing breakfast always brought up the warm memory of the time he cooked for Cordelia and Wesley when Wesley had come to LA as a "Rouge Demon Hunter."

He found William sitting on the large window sill in the living room. No doubt the Englishman had stayed up another night, just staring at the fog. Sometimes, he'd spend hours outside in it, until Angel found him and dragged him back inside. One of these days the human was going to catch the nastiest cold Angel would ever see. Illyria was no help here. She was often out of doors herself, training as she had nothing better to do. Angel was going to have to buy her some ferns to talk to. Still, she was protective of William and still saw him as her pet.

"Hey Will." Angel said as he headed towards the much younger man. "Is there anything in particular that you'd like me to cook?"

"You don't need to be so nice. I'm not dead yet."

William was in one his of moods apparently. Angel didn't know when William got it into his head that they had come to England for his funeral. However, the vampire tried not to act too upset. He tried to behave like how he had with Drusilla when she was being particularly insane and he wanted to be kind to her. Indeed, his childe had prepared him well for dealing with any sort of mental unstableness.

"I like being nice to you. And sometimes the cook just doesn't like coming up with all the meal plans. It is hard work coming up with something that will please everyone while not wearing out the old favourites." Angel said patiently. He was turning into the boy's mother.

"'Pose anything's okay." William said, his tone sounding exactly like it had when Spike was in a sulky mood. "As long as there's tea." And the boy had taken to the old British tradition of tea time as a human like he had to blood and booze as a vampire.

"Of course." Angel said.

It ended up being one of those days. Those few sentences on breakfast were all William said for the rest of the day.

Angel actually missed the Spike that he couldn't get to shut up.


	2. Walking on the Sun

**Holding Your Hand**

_Dark Lady Devinity_

**Chapter Two**

**Walking on the Sun**

The morning ended with Angel hiding in the flat, blinds drawn. The fog had completely dissipated, leaving only bright yellow sunshine in its stead. It made the vampire wish that he had some of the enchanted windows from Wolfram and Hart here. That way he could sit in the window still with William and enjoy its warmth. He didn't and therefore couldn't.

Yet he would not deprive William of the sun's warmth. He was human and thus needed to feel its light; both for his comfort and the vitamin D. So Angel did the best he could. He made a grocery list and sent Illyria and William out into the bright afternoon sun. Angel doubted that they could get any productive work done but at least they would get some fresh air. And he trusted that Illyria would protect William, if only because he was still _her_ pet.

**XXX**

Illyria felt the warm, moist earth beneath her feet and the yellow sunlight against her shoulders. She had long ago wandered into the small park with William, leaving behind pavement and stone. William had the list of necessities but it seemed that he had no plans to do as Angel requested. It was a small spark of her pet's old spirit. Instead, he was sat on a bench, just breathing. The human had a fascination for fog and sunlight.

"I'd walk on the sun, if I could." He had said to her earlier on their trip. Illyria did not know if it was a metaphor or if it was one of William's momentary bouts of insanity that caused the words.

Unlike the reborn mortal, Illyria was not enjoying the beautiful weather. It frustrated her greatly that the trees would not speak to her. She missed the ancient hum that the trees of past would give, long before time began. The hum was music to even a demon's soul and that was how the plants managed to survive the chaos of the old world. Yet these trees were not ancient anymore and had lost their ancestors' voices. She would have to journey to the forests of old, of South America. Should her pet ever regain himself, then they would go together.

Still… this world was better than the world of only shrimp.

Illyria soon grew as bored with the unspeaking vegetation as she had with the shrimp. She decided to join William on the bench as sometimes the mortal would amuse her as Spike once had. Yet when she turned around, there was already another woman with him. The newcomer stood just a few feet in front of William, staring in complete shock. William stared back without really seeing the brown haired female. Then recognition slowly spread out over his features. He did not show any concern.

"Spike?" the girl asked. "No, it can't really be… I mean, it's sunny and you're…"

"Not 'pose to be here, eh pet? Wrong plane for dust…" William said. "Didn't think Andrew could keep me a secret from Buffy. Surprised to see he kept it a secret from you too."

The girl reached and touched, gasping. "You're really real! And warm too."

Illyria frowned and quickly headed over. She could still access Winifred Burkle's memories of the dorky wannabe watcher Andrew. She knew that the boy had connections to Rupert Giles and Buffy Summers, the two people Angel wanted avoided at all costs. The brunette would be trouble if she shared Andrew's ties to the avoided ones.

"Who is this?" Illyria asked in her demanding way. She walked right up to the unknown woman and stood in her personal space, nearly touching. The stranger seemed either wary or frightened of the former god. It was the response Illyria was used to from normal mortals. Her cold persona and blue forehead and hair put most people off; her eyes frightened them deeply.

"No need to be so defensive, luv." William said. "She can't hurt you."

"I'm not scared of her." The human girl cried.

"Wasn't talking to you. Illyria _can_ hurt you, though I know your big sis would not let that be the end of it." William said.

"You are ignoring my question." Illyria said. "Who is this human?"

"It's only the Dawn."


	3. When it Rains It Pours

**Holding Your Hand**

_Dark Lady Devinity_

**Chapter Three**

**When it Rains, It Pours**

Illyria looked at the brown haired girl child and was displeased. She knew of Dawn or the "little bit" as William would call her when he was lapsing into Spike's memories. This was the younger sister of the slayer. Illyria felt it would be wisest to take the child and smash her head in as then she could not run off and tell Buffy about William. However, that would not please Angel much and the necessary violence might distress her pet. Besides, there were witnesses and Illyria found dealing with moronic policemen annoying.

"I do not know what to do with this one. She will speak to the slayer." Illyria said. "I have one suggestion but this is not the place for it. What do you think we should do with her?"

William sighed. "Tara was right. You really are a pretty green light."

Dawn took a step back in shock. She hadn't been told that she was green light in years. The last time was when Tara had gone insane and Glory found out that Dawn was the key. Did that mean that Spike was…? The young woman reached out to touch his shoulder and asked, urgently, "Spike, are you okay? You're just… joking right? I mean, bringing up my Keyness isn't very funny but, hey, I can handle a joke."

William looked at the child and shrugged. "Don't see it? Not all is right up in me head. Even worse than when I was insane in the basement."

"What happened to you?" Dawn asked. Her affection for the much older man had never truly waned and now that he sat before her shattered, she was truly scared.

"He became human." Illyria said. "Now you should leave." The former god paused before resuming her speech, "And should you tell anyone of our presence in this land I will crush you."

Dawn looked defiantly at the blue god. However, Illyria had fixed that unnerving blue stare of hers onto Dawn and the girl felt herself backing down.

"If you go around scaring little girls like that, Angel's going to get angry." William commented.

"Angel's here too!" Dawn cried.

Illyria frowned and stepped farther into Dawn's personal space. They really were touching now. "Leave."

And Dawn really wanted to protest that she wasn't a kid who could be pushed around but suddenly it began to rain. And William was looking up into the sky like he had never seen storm clouds before. The look on his face was so unlike the vampire she crushed on that Dawn had to turn and run away. Spike was gone and that scared her more than the strange blue-eyed Illyria and her cold threats.

**XXX**

"You're soaking!" Angel cried when Illyria and William showed up at the house. He sounded so much like a distressed mother hen that William laughed.

Illyria was not so amused. Instead of letting Angel run off to find towels and dry clothes –he had already started to mutter about preparing a hot bath for William- Illyria grabbed the vampire and said; "We must leave here."

That stopped everything in its tracts. Then William started to protest loudly about how he didn't want to go yet. His outraged cries soon turned to mutterings about being dragged to his burial grounds.

"William, hush. I've told you before. We aren't going to bury you." Angel said, trying to comfort the younger man. Soon he gave up as that task proved impossible and turned to Illyria. He used his 'I'm-very-displeased-Angelus-voice' when he spoke to her and asked why they had to leave.

"We must leave because I did not have the right opportunity to dispose of the slayer's sister. She found us in the wooden area you call a park." Illyria said. "I have warned her against breathing my pet's name to the slayer but his human condition has shocked her greatly and he told her that you were here. I doubt the child can be trusted."

Angel sighed and rubbed his temples with one hand. He felt a headache coming on. "Dawn will tell Buffy we're here. But it will take some time to find us unless… Dawn didn't follow you home, did she?"

"No." Illyria said. "She ran off in distress. Humans are too many emotions that disable clear thinking. How have you survived this long?"

Angel sighed once more and looked over at William. The human had wandered into the living room and was shivering. Wet clothing clung to an unhealthily thin frame and the ends of his bleach blond hair had started to curl due to the moisture and lack of hair gel in the house. Hair gel had been one of the few necessities that Angel had put on the shopping list that wasn't food. The other was toilet paper because William had been using most of the toilet paper for origami cranes and vampire bats.

"I have to take care of him." Angel said. The vampire forcefully pushed all thoughts of Buffy to the back of his mind. This wasn't the time to brood. "First I'll give him a hot bath and then we'll come up with a plan."

Illyria barely gave a nod of understanding before she left without saying a word. The god was also soaking and wished to care for her own comfort. No one knew if the vessel could still get sick with its body hollowed out. Illyria did not wish to find out.

Meanwhile, Angel was taking advantage of his vampire strength as he picked William up and carried the mortal to the bathroom, bridal style. Out loud, Angel asked if William wanted his rubber ducky but the vampire was thinking darker thoughts. William was in no state to resettle somewhere else. He had barely survived the trip to England. Still, Buffy was a threat to his mental health. And more likely sooner than later, either Giles or Willow would find out where this dysfunctional family was living. The park that Dawn had found William and Illyria in was not all that far from the house so already they knew the general area. Then Buffy would come. What would Angel do then? He couldn't let her see William but she might not let him stop her. Would he be able to leave Buffy to Illyria's mercy? Could Illyria take Buffy?

"You're brooding."

"What?" Angel asked. William had interrupted his thoughts.

"We've been standing in the bathroom doorway for five minutes. You're brooding." William said, sulking. "Stop it!"

"Sorry." Angel said. "I won't brood ever again."

William sighed. "That's a lie. You can't help but brood, Mr. Giant Forehead. That's how I'll know when you ain't got the shiny anymore. 'Gelus ain't a brooder."

"Hey! You keep talking like that and I won't get Mr. Ducky for you." Angel said. The love for the rubber ducky was one of the more child-like habits that William had picked up in his insanity. Angel personally hated the rubber fowl because it was a symbol that his boy was long gone.

"Sod off." William grumbled, which was his way of saying 'I'm sorry. I'll behave.'

"Good. I'm going to put you down now and turn on the water. When I'm done with that, I want you to undress and get in the bath while I get Mr. Ducky." Angel said.

"Can I have bubbles?" William asked.

Angel smiled painfully, his non-beating heart breaking. "Sure."

The childishness was better than the irrational fear of being buried but it still hurt. Would William ever find his way home again?

**TBC**

**Author's Note: **Personally, I think Illyria would kick Buffy's ass. I like Buffy but I kind of picture Illyria was an unstoppable juggernaut like thing.


	4. The Perfect Storm

**Holding Your Hand**

_Dark Lady Devinity_

**Chapter Four**

**The Perfect Storm**

They lived in relative quiet and peace for two weeks before it all came crashing down. It had been a time of rain and sun and fog until that night, when temperatures had risen and the rain fell in torrents. Thunder roared over the sounds of city life and lightning would steak periodically across the pitch black sky. The poor weather brought out thoughts from the darker corners of their minds and William was engaging in conversations with a listener that wasn't there. Drusilla. Angel didn't know how to calm his childe and just sat beside him, holding his hand. Illyria was staring out into the storm, no expression on her face.

"Storms remind me of you, luv." William was saying to his non-existent communication partner. "You'd think it would be star light that would remind me of you, Dru, what with the way they were always singing to you. They don't like to sing to me. Angel will sing to me, if I asked, but you haven't heard him sing Mandy. I think it's 'Gelus, interfering with his singing ability. Even the demon knows it's a terrible song."

"Hey!" Angel protested. This was the first time he had spoken since giving up on convincing William that Drusilla wasn't there. Had this been what William was like when he was alone in the basement with the First? "I happen to think Mandy is a very pretty song!"

"And they say I lost my marbles." William whispered to Dru. "Think we'd find his next to yours?"

It was going to be a long night, Angel thought. Then there was a knock on the door. The vampire looked up at Illyria, wondering if he had thought too soon. The demon god met his look before heading to answer the door. Halfway through the trip, Winifred Burkle took up the march in a pretty yellow sundress with her soft brown hair pulled back into a loose bun. It had been decided that Illyria should answer any callers at the door in case it was Giles or Buffy. That way Angel could take William and hide him. However, Illyria might prove too threatening to their visitors and Angel wanted to deter them from the flat in the calmest way possible.

Who better than sweet, innocent Fred for that?

"See, you had the dark eyes and wild temperament of a storm. Always brought destruction in your wake but you were so beautiful while doing it. You ever really watch a thunder storm? When you're safe and sound with someone to protect you, the lightening is really quite lovely." William told the imaginary Drusilla. He wasn't speaking very loud so Angel wasn't worried that anyone at the door would overhear him. Still… William hadn't picked up on the tension or Illyria's transformation. He could start screaming at any moment and Angel couldn't move him. Illyria was thin so whoever was at the door would be able to see around her into the hall which was the only exit out of the living room where Angel and William now sat.

"Oh, hello Willow! What a surprise!" Fred's cheerful, Southern accent floated down the hall towards them. The Scoobies had found them.

"Oh, hi Fred." This was Willow. "Um, I'd like to introduce you to Rupert Giles, Buffy Summers and Xander Harris. Are you, um, living here with Angel and the others?"

"Well, course I'm not. This place is only a rental. We're kind of on a little vacation. After the events in LA we really needed a break." Fred said. It was easier to think of her that way in that form. Illyria could never be that good in real life. "Can I help you with anything? This is a long way to come, especially since it's so stormy out. Ya'all didn't get lost and stumble across us by accident, did you?"

"Listen, my little sister told me that she ran across a human Spike and some blue woman in the park a couple of weeks ago. We've been looking for you ever since. Is either Spike or Angel here?" Buffy's voice held that hint of command that she had developed over the years. But she was still managing to sound friendly. Angel tensed at hearing her voice after so long. Luckily, William didn't seem to hear her. Maybe he already had spoken to Buffy in his own mind and reality's Buffy wasn't the one he'd recognize anymore.

Illyria knew how she was to reply to that question; with a slight frown and a hint of apology in her voice. "No, they're been gone out all night. They've probably got caught in the storm and are staying at a hotel or inn. Knowing Spike, it could be a pub. I'm sorry but I can't invite you in. The house is an absolute mess. Oh my. Boys never grow up, do they? Besides, the landlord doesn't appreciate guests at this hour. Next thing I know, I'll be out on the street. It was nice meeting you though."

"Yes, um, do you have any way to contact Angel for us? A cell phone perhaps?" Angel could _hear_ Giles wiping his glasses.

"No, Angel hasn't really used a cell phone since… the long distance fees are murder! He'd have to get a new number for England or a new phone." Fred/Illyria said. "But you can always come back some other day. I'll give you the number to our phone and you can call ahead."

"Okay, that sounds reasonable." Willow said.

"Is Angel evil?" Xander blurted. "Is Angel evil with Spike?"

"What!" Fred cried.

"You guys are with Wolfram and Hart, right? Evil incorporate? And that blue chick threatened Dawn. Care to explain that?" Xander interrogated Fred.

"Excuse me but maybe you should think about that question. I can't speak for this blue woman you mentioned but Angel's working for Wolfram and Hart doesn't mean you can come up here and insult us. This is why you took that slayer away from them isn't it? We were trying to help her. Do you know that she cut off Spike's hands? Do you know that we fought against evil from the inside and went against all the evil it could throw at us? Fought the ultimate apocalypse?" Fred said. "Cordy, Wesley and Charles are dead. We made sacrifices. We all did. So don't you come up here and insult my men folk! I ain't afraid to fight a slayer!"

"Cordy's dead?" Xander said. He sounded hurt.

"What? We didn't know…" Willow said, trying to play peacemaker.

"Then how can you come here and ask me if Angel and Spike are evil? What are you doing here?" Fred asked.

Angel allowed himself a small smile. Though it hurt to admit it, Illyria could play the indignant, still mourning but fiercely protective Southern girl quite well. He wouldn't have been surprised if Fred would have said those very things had she still been there to say them.

William shifted against him. He was still taking about the weather with Dru. Only now, his conversations with dead people had changed topic to conversations about Buffy with dead people and Angel hadn't noticed.

"Buffy wasn't like you. Slayer reminds me of the sun and not storm clouds. Don't mean I loved you any less, Dru, then what I did her. Sun's just as fatal as a storm. Even to the living. But I always wanted what I couldn't have, eh luv? And a vampire can't have sun. But she ain't gonna hurt me anymore. Angel don't need to worry so much about me." William said.

So maybe William was more aware of the situation then he let on. But his grip was tightening on Angel's hand the more he talked and the vampire knew that William wasn't really ready to face Buffy. He just thought he was cleverly lying to both the woman that had actually sired him and to the man that had to do a sire's duties with him.

There was the sound of shifting coming from the main entrance. Finally it was Giles who spoke.

"Listen, Miss..."

"Fred." Illyria supplied.

"Ah yes, Fred, Dawn told us that Spike was human now. We want to know if that's true and how it happened. I'm sorry that we're distressing you but this is important. We have been tracking Angel and Spike down for two weeks and only have managed to find you tonight. We can't leave until they return." Giles said.

"Yes you can, cause you ain't staying here. I may not own this property but it's still my home while I'm residing in it. You ain't invited." Fred said. The southern accent was thickening as she got more and more upset with them.

"We're not vampires. We don't need to be invited in." Buffy's voice had hardened to that dangerous level that suggested she was going to begin making threats. Angel wondered if Illyria would keep up the Fred façade or attempt to rearrange Buffy's face.

"You may not be dead, but you'd still be trespassing. And a policeman's gun is a lot more effective when you've got a beating heart." Fred said. "I scream and wake my landlord, who's just in the flat above me and the walls here are very thin, and she'll have the police here in five seconds."

"Listen Fred, we don't want to cause any trouble. We're friends, right? I helped you get back Angel's soul because I cared, you know." Willow said.

"I'm closing the door now. Don't come back." Fred said. "Two of you don't like Angel and one of you doesn't have a happy relationship history with him. And I wouldn't trust a single one of you with a human or non-human Spike. So, none of you are going to see them and I ain't telling whether Spike is human or not. Have a nice day."

At the same time that Illyria was going angry Fred on the Scoobies, William had loosen his grip on Angel's hand. The boy was smiling and looking affectionately at a spot on the wall where he thought Dru sat.

"You needn't worry about me anymore, luv," William said. He looked up at Angel with that small smile on his face still, "I've got someone to take care of me now that really wants too."

Angel smiled back but the happy feeling in his chest was torn from him by the violent sound of the door being partially removed from its hinges. Illyria had likely tried to slam the door in Buffy's face and the slayer hadn't appreciated it. Angel quickly got up and brought William with him. The vampire peeked around the wall, staying in the shadows so the Scoobies wouldn't see him. Thus, he managed to catch Buffy threaten Fred and an Angel that she didn't know was there. Fred was staring down at the door, hanging on only one hinge, with the cold detached expression that Illyria also wore. Then the Fred illusion melted away and Illyria belted Buffy in the face and the slayer went flying into the night air.

Willow was screaming and running for the slayer while Xander and Giles tried to restrain Illyria. She took them both by their ears and slammed their heads together. Both crumpled to their knees, dazed and confused. Neither passed out.

"Illyria, let's get out of here before anyone regains their senses." Angel hissed.

"I dislike these humans." Illyria said as she walked towards Angel and William. "They fail to know their place."

"Well, I think you showed them where it was." William said in one of his more Spike-like tones. Illyria always managed to impress and disturb the mortal in the same way that she had when he was immortal. His interactions with Illyria usually brought some of Spike out. It made the god's presence worth saving.

"Yeah, now let's go before she decides she doesn't like her place." Angel said. He started to hurry Illyria and William to the back entrance of the flat.

"Angel!"

"Noo." Angel groaned as Buffy called out to him. The trio turned to face the slayer.

Blood was coming down one side of her face from where she had hit her head. Behind her, Willow was helping Xander and Giles up. But all attention was focused on the green eyed slayer. She looked so hurt and Angel really wanted to reach out and hold her. But he had to let go of her. William was more important at the moment. Besides, he had to leave room in his heart for Cordy and Nina and all his friends that he had lost and that he had managed to barely hold on to. There wasn't room for Buffy to pull on his heart strings anymore.

But it turned out that it was William that was going to pull on Angel's heart strings. The recently made human had turned wide, blue eyes on him and looked like a beaten puppy.

"She's really here. She's not pretend!" William cried. "If you let her come here then I really am dying!"

And everything crashed to the ground and shattered into a thousand pieces because Angel's boy was crying; loud, frightened, child-like cries. And if Illyria did not manage to get the slayer and her friends out of his house then they wouldn't be leaving in the one piece.


	5. Clear Starry Nights for a Chaotic World

**Holding Your Hand**

_Dark Lady Devinity_

**Chapter Five**

**Clear Starry Nights for a Chaotic World**

"_Spike?" her sweet, tentative voice fills all of his senses. He can't bear to look at her. He made that choice so long ago; the choice to never look back at her, to let her go. Only once did he turn his back on those words and that was because she was with the Immortal. He couldn't let that go. _

_But Angel had gone with him then._

_And Angel had lied to him now._

_He promised! He had promised that they weren't going to bury him, that he wasn't dying. Angel had sworn they came home for him because he was alive. Not dying. But she was here. She was the wedge between them and between all their illusions of happiness. Angel's world surrounded her. He brooded more for her than any soul he destroyed. He would not let her come here unless it was for the final goodbyes. For William's goodbyes. For Spike's. He'd be all alone…_

"_Don't leave me!"_

**XXX**

"Spike?" Buffy asked, tentatively. The slayer looked at the familiar bleach blond vampire and found that he didn't look as familiar as he should. She could see the colour in his face; a colour only found in the living. Also, she had never seen him look so… the best word she could think of was desperate. He was crying like a frightened child and the agonized look on his face made her think of young ones so scared that at any moment they would bolt for the bed covers… except they couldn't find their house. She stepped forward, reaching out for Spike.

She had no idea if that was the right thing to do or not. She could sense Willow, Xander and Giles standing behind her, also in complete shock over the scene Spike was making. And she could sense Angel's rage building as Spike stood before him, screaming in his face. Buffy couldn't tell if Angel was Spike's anchor in a sea of chaos or if he was the reason for his distress. She didn't understand why Spike thought he was dying if she was here. And the blue haired woman who had previously been that sweet yet angry Southern girl… well, Buffy was so unsure what that was to even bother with it. There were bigger issues.

Suddenly, Spike disrupted Buffy's plan of grabbing him so she could inspect him for any sign of his old persona. The blond had reached out and grabbed Angel's arms, and yelled, "Don't leave me!"

Angel looked shocked but he quickly got a hold of himself. He smiled sadly at his childe and took him into his arms. Rubbing comforting circles with one hand on Spike's back, Angel said, "Shhh, I'm not leaving you William. Neither is Illyria. We didn't know Buffy was coming. You're perfectly happy and you're going to stay with me and Illyria for a long, long time. We're a family. Aren't we Illyria?"

"Can I kill the humans now?" Illyria asked.

Spike hiccupped as he attempted to laugh through his sobs. "I'll take that as your way of saying yes, luv."

Buffy watched all of this in growing confusion. Finally, she managed to speak what she had been questioning the entire night, "What the hell is going on!"

Spike shuddered and Angel glared at her. Then he nodded to his female companion. "Illyria, you take them outside and talk to them. Tell them everything and then get them to leave. Give them a chance to leave peacefully _before_ you make them. And if you have to make them… well, I've given up on trying to control the amount of violence you use. And do it quickly before I give up on controlling the amount of violence _I_ use."

Illyria nodded and walked past Buffy. She was standing in-between the slayer and her friends when she turned back to look at Buffy.

"Follow me." She said.

Giving a little sigh that showed how torn in half she felt, Buffy glanced back at the two vampires. Or vampire and human. That was what they were now. Angel had gone back to giving Spike his full attention and ignoring the rest of them. But she could tell that he was still angry at everyone. It hurt. At least he could let her know what she had done wrong before ignoring her. Then finally she followed Illyria out of the house.

The storm had started to die down. At this rate, it could be a clear, starry night. The four humans stared up at the night sky, unsure of what to do next. Finally, it was Willow who spoke. The witch was staring at Illyria now, a mixed look of shock and horror and confusion and sadness on her face.

"What happened to you Fred?" she cried.

"You were attached to the shell, weren't you? You only came to the hotel twice and never more. I don't understand where your affection for it comes from. I am a god. I am Illyria. I inhabit this shell now and its former soul has been destroyed." Illyria said.

Willow's mixed look was gone now. In its stead was a look of complete horror. The witch leaned against Xander, feeling sick. The one eyed man put an arm comfortingly around her.

"So why does Angel keep you around if you murdered his friend?" Xander asked, none too tactfully, despite the hurting woman leaning against him.

Illyria looked at him and then back to Buffy, whom she recognized as the leader. "I don't like this one. He reminds me of a worm. Why do _you_ keep _him_ around?"

Giles sighed. "She has a point there."

"Hey!" Xander cried. "I'm plenty useful and I never murdered anyone."

"And I am no weak human that can simply be destroyed. My power was useful to the cause. I fought beside Angel and Spike in the battle against millions of demons and survived. I helped bury their dead." Illyria said.

Buffy blinked. She had a feeling that they had just been told off. She swallowed the anger she felt building up inside her and said, "I see. And why is Spike human and not… being very Spike-like? Why did Angel call him William?"

"He is William now. Spike has died." Illyria said. "There was a prophecy that said a vampire with a soul would become human if he fought in the apocalypse. This referred to the final apocalypse, the one of judgement. It was not one of the smaller apocalypses that occur at all times in some place. The Shanshu prophecy was believed to be meant for Angel as Wesley had translated it long before Spike had a soul. Then Spike had a soul. It became unclear. Finally, to trick his enemies, Angel signed away his right to the Shanshu. Spike therefore became human as he fought in the apocalypse."

"Ah, yes, that makes sense." Giles said as he took off his glasses to clean them. "I had heard of the Shanshu prophecy but did not know what it included. Interesting."

"However, the prophecy does not merely turn a souled vampire into a human. It turns the vampire into the human they were before becoming a vampire. Spike had not been William for nearly two hundred years. The transformation was too difficult and Spike became a human with an unstable mind. We call him William yet he is neither William nor Spike now." Illyria said.

"But hey, he shouldn't be insane for too long, right? I mean, he's already been insane once. At least this time it isn't in the basement of the School of Hard Demon Knocks." Xander said.

"I doubt it's the same." Buffy said. "Can we see him?"

"No." Illyria said. "Angel wants you to leave. You have had many strong ties to William and he fears that these ties will be damaging to him. You saw how William reacted to your presence."

"So Angel is choosing Spike over Buffy? But he hates Spike!" Willow said. "Maybe… maybe it would be better if Spike came with us? We could take care of him. I mean, we all care about Spike… except maybe Xander. He did die to save us from the First."

"So that he could come back as a ghost that was being pulled into hell and then to have his hands cut off by an insane slayer when finally solid." Illyria said. She quirked her head at them. "I don't understand humans. Is that a fair exchange?"

The humans shared a look. They didn't have a response for that. Illyria frowned.

"I bore of talking to you. Leave."

"But…" Buffy started.

Illyria glared at the blond. However, Giles and Willow realised it was no use and convinced Buffy and Xander to leave with them. Finally, Buffy said that she would be back.

The rain had stopped. The stars were coming out.

The mortals walked past the house but Buffy stopped to look in at the men she had loved. Angel and Spike- William- didn't seem to notice her there. Angel was still comforting William. The slayer knew why Angel was taking care of William despite their dislike of each other as vampires. She understood that Angel was blaming himself for not being the one in Spike's place. It had to hurt to take care of someone who used to be so independent and brash and had been driven to insanity. She had felt the same way when she found Spike in the high school basement.

She watched William shift and move out of Angel's embrace.

"You promise not to leave me?" the human asked in the same accent that Buffy remembered so clearly. At least he still talked the same.

"Of course." Angel replied. "You couldn't make me go even if you tried."

Buffy couldn't see the expression of William's face as he was back on to her. Whatever it was, it caused Angel to give the man a legitimate smile, albeit a small one. Then William stood up on his toes and kissed Angel on the mouth. Both vampire and slayer were shocked by this action.

"Will… but… what was that, Will?" Angel asked. He was completely floored.

William hugged the other man and said, "I'm not gonna try ta make you go. I'm gonna make you stay."

And Buffy, trying to fight tears, ran to join the others. She didn't want to face an angry Illyria nor have her friends come back and question why she had fallen behind. She just wanted to get home and go to bed and cry.

She had lost both of her boys.


	6. Here Comes the Sunshine

**Holding Your Hand**

_Dark Lady Devinity_

**Chapter Six**

**Here Comes the Sunshine**

It was a nice little house- a cottage, really- in the country. There were few neighbours but they were kind souls. They tried not to stare too much at Illyria; with her blue hair, she looked like she belonged more at a rave than the country side. Yet they would come by and help if needed. One little old lady would always come by with flower seeds and small sprouts as William was trying to recreate his mother's garden. It was nice.

Angel had written Conner to let him know of the change in address. After the incident with Buffy and the others, the landlord had been none too pleased. Especially once she saw the broken down front door. Angel wasn't surprised when they were evicted. So he reached into what was left of his bank accounts from Wolfram and Hart and bought a cottage in the English countryside. It had been fairy rundown but that way it was affordable. Angel wanted to remodel anyway. He didn't know if they'd ever go back to LA so he wanted to make the cottage suitable for all three of them. And while he knew that he and William may come to agree on some designs, he had no idea what Illyria would like… maybe a throne in her bedroom?

In a week, he would get Conner's reply. The boy had offered to come to England and help them settle. He also mentioned, jokingly, in the letter that he felt he had the right to meet his dad's new boyfriend.

It was a relief to know that Conner was okay with all of this.

And Conner was right, in a way. Angel just didn't know if "boyfriend" was the appropriate term for the relationship that he found himself in. Ever since the night with Buffy, William had been attempting to court the vampire. Eventually Angel gave in and started courting back. William was healing. He had been intimate with Spike before, back when they were both vampires and a family with Darla and Drusilla. And that one time would not have happened if they weren't attracted to each other. Even without the soul, he had cared about the younger man. All the times Spike had annoyed Angelus and never ended up dust was proof of that.

And every day William resembled his old self more and more. He was still mentally ill, and Angel suspected that he always would be. But that didn't mean Angel was taking advantage of William. The younger man had the ability to live his own life and love whoever he wanted. He happened to be unpredictable and talked to things that weren't there but now Angel wasn't sure if that was the fault of true insanity or Illyria. In the few weeks that they'd been living in their small cottage home, William had talked to plants and done many other strange things. All of which Illyria did. It was possible that William had adapted the god's habits and in his insanity, did not know that such habits weren't the norm. Now they were too ingrained into his natural mannerisms. Although it was funny watching William talk to the rose bush in a completely Spikish manner. However, other than that, William was mostly normal. A healthy mix of Spike and the human. So the mortal would be well aware of if he was being taking advantage of and would have Illyria stake Angel if the need arose. Indeed, Illyria had already offered to rip out Angel's sinews one by one should he ever hurt her pet…

Needless to say, Angel felt loved.

All sarcasm aside, Angel really did feel loved. Illyria was like the head of the mafia except she didn't get people whacked every day. If someone messed with her boys they would regret it. And she was actually very creative. She was head of the household. In fact, Angel had almost felt like he needed to ask her permission before he started dating William. Almost. And then William fulfilled the love even more. His boy wasn't shy or bashful and did not play around with his words. He was painfully honest, almost like he had no tact. So Angel had to believe him every time he said "I love or" or "I want you" before getting the human's tongue shoved down his throat.

And now he knew Conner supported him. It was bliss. Angel had almost run out into the sun to cause himself a little pain so he didn't feel as happy anymore. It would suck, for lack of better wording, if Angelus decided that this was enough happiness to break the curse. But then William had come and told him that the toilet wasn't working and Angel sighed. It was the annoying little things that would keep the demon in check. But the annoying little things were what made life the way it was. Being annoyed at appliances and the plumbing was what normal families dealt with. And the thought of being a normal family filled him with a warm, content feeling.

**XXX**

"We'll have to call a plumber." Angel said at long last. He settled down onto a chair, and rested his arms on the dining room table. He had no idea what was wrong the toilet. Sighing, he looked at the curtains of the window. It was blazingly sunny out so they had to keep the curtains drawn. He had explained to the neighbours that he had a sun allergy.

William, who was sat at the opposite end, said, "No need luv. Old man Watson next door knows how to fix it. Or so says the wife."

"Oh? When were you talking to Mrs. Watson?"

"Few minutes ago. She brought muffins."

"Blueberry?"

William rolled his eyes. "Yes, she made her famous blueberry muffins just for you, ya big lug. But they'll just go right to your thighs. And you don't need to eat anyways."

Angel had to fight the urge to stick his tongue out at William. Or Spike, as that was who Angel had the distinct impression he was talking too. Finally, he noticed that the god wasn't present. "Where's Illyria?"

"Keeping me azaleas company. I swear, if taking to plants helps 'em grow, then between Big Blue and me, the flowers are going to be as tall as a skyscraper." William grinned. "Maybe I should plant me some Venus fly traps."

"I don't want to know what you'd feed a skyscraper sized venus fly trap."

William laughed and said, "Peaches, what _wouldn't _you feed a giant fly trap?" And then the bleach blond smiled brightly at Angel. For a fleeting moment, Angel had an image of Illyria feeding Xander to the giant Venus fly trap. The god had not liked the one eyed man.

Suddenly, William was leaning across the table and quite thoroughly snogging Angel. After a moment of surprise, the elder started to kiss back. Eventually, they stopped as William required breathing.

"What was that for?" Angel asked.

"You looked like you were beginning to brood again or at least think unpleasant thoughts about my Venus fly trap."

Angel laughed this time and he was the one to begin the second round of the make out session. They only stopped when Illyria entered the room and stared at them. They pulled away and looked at her. Finally, she spoke.

"Was the vampire brooding again?"

**end**


End file.
